One of the qualities I want to maintain on this blog is vulnerability. I promised myself that I would be honest, genuine, and real.
This topic has been brewing in my heart and I thought it would be good to share with others that might have the same thoughts.
I love social media. I mean I wouldn’t have studied it in college if I didn’t like it at least a little bit. I love Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. I love connecting with other people, making new friends, and getting inspiration for everything from fashion to new recipes. But there is a downside to being able to see so much so easily…it’s called comparison.
I spend more time than I’d like to admit scrolling on Instagram and Pinterest. Both of these platforms show endless amounts of airbrushed faces and perfectly sculpted bodies. When I’m scrolling, I find myself thinking things like
“I wish I was that thin”
“I wish I could afford that outfit”
“I wish I had her stomach/skin/hair/tan/LIFE”
Lately I’ve really been struggling with how I view my physical self. Being five months postpartum has been really tough on my ego. I lost all of the weight I gained during my pregnancy…but my body is is no way toned. And I have no idea how I’m supposed to simultaneously eat enough calories to maintain my milk supply but also find time to work out to maintain a “trophy wife” figure.
On top of that, I’m losing what feels like a TON of hair (thanks postpartum hormones!). But none of the famous influencers I follow seem to have the same problem…or they can afford gorgeous hair extensions to hide their hair loss. A couple years ago after I got the worst hair cut of my life (I cried for a week straight), I researched getting some hand-sewn/natural beaded row extensions of my own. I learned that it would cost at least $1,500 to get them put in (that’s not including maintenance appointments). Not something I could ever afford.
In the past I experimented with eyelash extensions…but ended up pulling a lot of them out when they started falling out and looked creepy. They were so pretty, when I first got them done. Two weeks later when they started falling out wasn’t so pretty. They were expensive, the appointments were time consuming (usually an hour each time), and I just wanted to be able to rub my eyes and wash my face like a normal person! I also basically had to give up using facial oils when I had them because oils are bad for the adhesive. So I had fab lashes and sad skin ☹️
Most recently I’ve been struggling with considering microblading. Microblading is getting your eyebrows tattooed on your face. It sounds nuts, but the results can be really beautiful and look natural if you get them done by the right professional. But it costs around $500 to get them done, and then it’s recommended you get them touched up once a year. My eyebrows are just fine, maybe not as full as some people are blessed with but they’re not teeny tiny either. Why do I want my eyebrows to be bigger/fluffier/fuller? Will it really make me happy?
So basically social media has been making me feel like I am not enough because I don’t have a tiny sculpted body, glowing tan, long flowing hair, fluffy full eyebrows, sparkling white teeth…the list goes ON. When I was around 19, I started to ask myself why I got my hair bleached/highlighted. What was my natural hair color? Why didn’t I like the hair color God gave me?
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “Karly, you’re being really dramatic. It’s not a big deal to get extensions/spray tans/etc.” or “I show myself love by getting my nails done.” or “It makes me feel good.”
I’m not telling anyone what to do, ever. But I’m holding myself accountable, and I’m starting to ask myself why I’m so quick to want to change my outward appearance. Why does it matter what I look like? Seriously. God doesn’t judge our appearance, He judges our souls.
I want to have a beautiful soul. And I want my children to see that I love the way the Lord has made me. I don’t want my son to see a mother who feels bad about herself when she has a pimple. I hope to have a daughter someday (if it aligns with the Lord’s plan for my life) and I hope she sees that I’m strong and kind and courageous…not that I had to do my hair everyday.
I’m working on improving my heart everyday, instead of worrying about my outfits/nails/hair/makeup. I love spending the time I used to spend primping, cuddling with Cole and hearing him laugh.
Do you ever struggle with comparison? What are your thoughts on changing your physical appearance?